The Rise in Women Proposing to Men
Although rising in popularity since 2010, female proposals are still not as prevalent in the media, with this article we speak to Myrthe van Dijk who proposed to her now fiancé Peter.
Online Assistant Editor, Ambré Crystal interviews Myrthe van Dijk, and asks her to share the story of how she proposed to her lovely fiancé.
Traditionally, women are known to propose back to their fiancé during a leap year, usually only after they have proposed to them first, this fact combined with others means that female-led proposals are almost unheard of, with a shocking 16% of female proposals recorded in 2019, as noted by chillisauce.com.
We hope by sharing Myrthe's story we will help increase the popularity of female-led proposals and end the stigma around it.
A: Hi Myrthe, hope you're well! Thank you so much for agreeing to answer some of my questions. Let’s get started, my first question is what is your love story and how did you meet your partner?
M: I met Peter at a birthday party of a mutual friend, I remember not wanting to go to the party, since it started late and I wasn’t in a party mood. It was kind of a weird party too, since there were only ex-flings (female) of the birthday boy and his soccer team. When I arrived I started to mingle almost immediately with one of the soccer friends - which wasn’t Peter.
But the friend was a way into the group, one step closer to the goal! I was very loud and the guys found me as weird as I was interesting, and apparently that was the right combination to attract my future husband, because at the end of the party, we were kissing on the couch and he went home with me that night. From that moment on we were inseparable and he deleted all of his dating apps the day after, telling me only weeks later.
Peter also told me later that this wasn’t the first time we met, but that it was actually one year before at the same birthday party. Apparently we had a long talk that night on the balcony - something I can’t seem to remember.
The day he said yes!
A: When and where did you propose and were you nervous?
M: The pandemic got in the way of my first proposal attempt. We planned a romantic trip to Rome in October and I planned a whole romantic proposal and eating dinner after with a view of the Colosseum. But one day before our flight the flight company went bankrupt and I got Covid-19 at the same time, the universe clearly wasn’t ready for us to get married yet.
But I didn’t want to wait much longer, since I already had the plan and the ring and everything, so on Christmas morning we had a moment together where we would have breakfast and small presents. I decorated the whole house with rose petals, fairy lights and 500 candles. And it was Christmas, so there was a tree with a lot of presents underneath. The funny thing was he didn’t have any idea even though it looked like a Valentines day bomb exploded in our house.
For his last present I wrote a poem and said the present I had didn’t fit in a box. Then I took him to our living room and showed him a video compilation of our lives together listening to the acoustic version of Crazy by Gnarls Barkly. At the end of the video I took the ring out and I started crying (of happiness of course). And I said, with tears running down my cheeks: ‘I just love you so so so much, do you want to marry me?’ He started crying as well when… HE SAID YES!
As a surprise I hid a Geocache in a spot near the place we met, in the middle of Amsterdam. We went there to capture this special moment in writing, now it’s our celebratory place that we can go to every time we want to capture a special moment together and relive our previous memories.
A: Did you like the fact you proposed at home?
M: It was actually really relaxed since he didn’t see it coming and I planned it for such a long time. Also doing it at home (because of the lockdown) made it small, cozy and pure, a place where we can be ourselves. It was just us and it was perfect because of that.
A: Do you think there’s a stigma around women proposing?
M: Yes, I do! I even caught myself thinking this a year before I proposed myself. A friend of my sister proposed to her boyfriend, which felt for me like she did it because he would never have done it - I felt guilty for feeling this. And now I think she had a lot of courage doing this and I respect her for doing what she wanted and ask for it herself. Who am I to judge? This is how they wanted it to be and that’s perfect.
Though I know for sure people will judge me too, for doing it too soon (within 2 years), or for me not waiting for him to do it or some other reason - I don’t care. For us this was perfect.
Peter has a fear of abandonment and I was the one with commitment issues, so for me it felt like I needed to be the one to do it. This was a way for me to break the commitment issues and I wanted to do so, for him. The other way wouldn’t have worked for us I think as he always would have had the fear I would be the one who wanted to end it. It’s still his fear, but I can remind him now I was the one who proposed.
A: What was his reaction?
M: ‘OF COURSE!’, followed by tears and dancing to All I want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey, never was it as suitable as it was that day.
Peter's engagement ring. (A 1970's vintage black onyx, chosen as a stone that offers its wearer powerful vibrations of protection, willpower, focus and strength to help push Peter forward in his life)
A: Did he propose back to you?
M: Not in an official way, no. But we asked each other many more times after just for fun.
A: Finally, have you made plans for getting married and if so, what is the plan?
M: Yes! We’re in the middle of planning. No, I have to be honest - at the very start. We’re getting married in the beginning of August this year. We would love to get married on a Thursday in a greenhouse and have a festival themed party after. Burgers, beers and fries in the mix with oysters and bubbles. Dancing with bare feet in the sand, glitter painted faces, silent disco, karaoke, beer pong - I want it all! No more than 80 guests. After that we will stay in Amsterdam city centre, have one day of rest, and will have an afterparty at the Amsterdam gay pride on Saturday.
A: Wow, all of that sounds incredible! Well, congratulations, Myrthe and Peter, we wish you all the best in the future and that you both have a very joyous, long marriage.
The lovely couple posing for a photo together.
If you were thinking about proposing as the woman in the relationship but were worried about the stigma around it and not sure how you could do it, we hope this beautiful story by Myrthe will encourage you to go for it, and start ending the stigma around female-led proposals.
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